left out, as usual, and always will be

i've been thinking to myself, why do i always act cheerful , even when i'm not? y am i always so afraid of letting people around me know that i'm feeling the way i'm feeling now?when i feel left out, y can't 1 juz stand up and say" hey y r u guys ignoring me n not involving me in anything that u do?" perhaps, i'm just worried of being looked down at, but deep down inside, i know its something else, but i can't find the right words to describe it.

so wei sern dear, don't you think its hurtful and foolish to go through this chilling pain alone? don't you think that you should just cut out all connections ,going for classes, then locking yourself in the room, building bricks by boring bricks all around, juz to keep the people away from you? the fact is, you really didn't need them anyway. they never gave a damn about you, they don't care , and they're happy without you being around them. whether if you're with them or not, it doesn't make a difference. so the question is, why do you care about these people ? y r u so stubborn, so foolish , so ignorant and refuse to let go? y r u still believing that one day, you might be accepted and cherished like the others, and feel belonged? y r u so desperate for the relationships, that u yourself know well enough, that the chances for it to ever blossom, is like finding a needle after throwing it into the deep blue sea? get a grip dude. just leave them and suck it up on your own. you're better off that way :\

the thing is , i have no one to turn to in india. because it just, sighs....its just me. i've always been alone, just that no one knows, or bothers. nevertheless, i'll be fine. i've always been. ahhhh y am i so emotionally unstable? so, i'm all alone , and yea, nobody cares.

the people that doesn't care, they're always around, while those who do, they are either separated from me by continents, and may not always be available , due to different time zone, or, too few in numbers. and yes wei sern, y do u even bother to let the people who doesn't care about you know your fucking emo probs? don't you know that they will end up thinking ill of you? even you yourself think of that about some people who you yourself took for granted, and now you're doing the same thing. and yet you never let the people who truly care about you know every single shit that you're going through? y r u still in the stage of denial? y r u still so delusional,naive n immature? and you're so stupid, that you're unable to differentiate who cares and who don't. y do u think so highly of the people who don't give a shit about you, and take those who are your true friends for granted? you have such a fucked up life, u know that don't you?

you stupid kid, u never learn. u will end up doing the whole thing over and over again, even after your university life, u will repeat in in your working life.its like sin in final fantasy 10, it is a never ending cycle. all u do is juz involve the wrong people in your life, and hurt all those who means much more to you. you gave to suffer yourself, you have no one to blame, except yourself. so live with it.

nobody cares.

nobody