when i was young.....

saw one of my friends blog, and it inspired me to write something about another thing that usually means a big deal to alot of ppl, including myself =)
okay, so the topic is friends. i remembered the time when i was a little kid, when someone is nice to me, i want to do something good in return for them. from then, we become friends :)

but, if i were older, like say, 18, i would have to be extra careful when someone is good to me, for then i know, i'm in debt. its only rite to seek out the chance to repay the others kindness, for its somewhat a common courtesy in our modern day society.

when i was young, when we share things with each other, and i mean just anything, or just a laugh, it is genuine. and real. since then, we became friends.

but now that i'm older, or rather, we, are older, we tend to laugh out loud so that everyone feels comfortable. from then, i think its a surface relationship as everyone is trying too hard.

when i was a kid, i made peace with everyone. whoever that are nice to me, i'm nice to them. i saw nothing but true friendship, without having thoughts that wether having this relationship will be beneficial ,as well as the absence of the thought of giving too much and receiving too little, or the thought of wether i will be accepted or rejected. i went on being who i am, no matter how imperfect i may be, i am me. you say u love me, i say i love you, be it if we say it to the same or the opposite sex, we mean it, and there won't be any problem about it.

when i'm older, i started setting rules for myself. rules that separates my circle of friends into best friends, normal friends, acquaintances and close friends. the rules that the society set up to dictate what it takes to be a friend. when a person of the same sex gets too close to us, we start having thoughts of wheter we or she maybe sexualy interested in us. we tend to interpret their intentions wrongly , even though when it may be just out of utmost care , or he/she just wants to be a better friend n be there by your side all the time, just in case you come out with any trouble.


if i were a kid, i wouldn't have known all this. and i would have love it that way.

and yes, little wei sern has got some experience himself. he and his close friend, can never be the same as before anymore, no matter how much he wants. even though now there isn't any more problems between them, yes, it will always be different. the good thing is, we are still friends, but the sad thing is , we are just normal friends. and yes, i have to live with that, even though the thought of it still strikes an intense feeling of sadness and regret within the heart of this boy. there was still hope when the problem still persist, but once it has been solved, only then u realise that u mean nothing to the other party. he/she doesn't give a damn about you. till then that u will realise that it was a mistake , to make someone your priority in live while you're still an option in theirs .
however, i will live with what i once had but lost because of what i have done, for i have no one to blame, except myself. but i still keep wondering, if u knew how much i cared about this bond we share, what would you do?