aiya, 我就很无聊啊， 哈哈哈

ahem, yes hello world, how yall doing? hope everyone is fine of coz =) its 2 am now and i'm energised :D woke up late, of coz lar. hahahaa . rite, i'll get straight to the point. need to study later >.< block exam is just 10 days away, awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww :(


to start, ahem, let me say this phrase in chinese. got more feeling. hahaha..我是一个很注重感情的人。。which basically means, i'm a person who treasures relationships, or something like dat.
so basically today, i wana write about something thats important to me, well at least i think it is =) oh so you know, what kind of post this is gonna turn out to be lar ( you've been warned! read at your own risk. bwahahaha )
aites, how shall i begin? here goes....i remembered the early days in manipal..everything was so new, so different. couldn't help but having a serious case of culture shock. manipal is so outdated, nuff said. it wasn't easy living alone, once one have gotten so used to having mummy wake him/her up everyday. there is no one to force me to have breakfast, nor prepare it for me everyday in the morning. the same goes for both dinner and lunch. and also the risk of being late or missing classes still applies to me until today. needless to say more, my life sucked here. i was afraid, to start all over again. so many new people, and that was when all the question mark popped up. eg, can i trust anyone? / what should i do now? / where do i go for dinner today, i'm sick of the fudcot etc
well i did adapt after sometime...everything was getting back on track. gotten used to the life style, tho still pretty reluctant about it. bot most of all, loneliness was the biggest obstacle that stands in my way. but then, at this time, yew shiong came into my life.he was a really nice person. he took the time to listen to my whines and complains, gave me the advices i needed to get going with my life in manipal, as well as providing me with the companionship that i so desperately needed. i gotta say, you gave me the joy i always hoped to have again. it was because of you, that have allowed me to remain sane in manipal till this very day. it was also you that gave me hope, that life in manipal ain't so bad after all, no matter how hard life can be, we'll have to keep moving on. one thing i like about is that, i can share almost everything with you. from my secrets , to my kinda gal and other rubbish talk .needless to say, i never doubted your intentions. i enjoyed the times when we hang out together at end point, lepak-ing late at night and talking crap on msn. since then, u can say that, in my rank of friends in manipal, you're on the top of the list. yeah, you're the big brother i never had, and my best friend in manipal =) 就很有亲切感啦。咔咔咔咔~~~
life was great and all, but, i guess everything has an expiry date, and this is no exception, no matter how hard i refuse to deter myself from accepting it. after some time, i felt like we're drifting apart. it just ain't the same as before anymore. even though u assured me nothing was wrong, i knew there was, i just know it, but i don't know what is it. firstly, there is no more outing and lepak-ing like before, and very less time on msn. nowadays, we can go days,even weeks without talking, in which months back, we talk almost everyday. i know its my fault to begin with, as i've been spending too much time skyping with the other person too much that i've distance myself away from you eversince i came back to manipal for the 2nd semester. i noticed the little things u do to me, eg, kacauing me while i collapsed on the lecture table, pull my hair once in a while and usap usap kepala . hahaha , frankly, i kinda like dat, coz thats what close friends do, and only close friends would dare to do that to you =) but, i realised, i was rather cold myself towards you during the month of march this year.i don't respond like i used to,i ignore u even when clearly i saw u , and i give this muka masam that is enuf to make a rose wilt instantly. sighs, u know how bad that makes me feel? i seriously dunno what i'm up to. after sometime, i realised that you've stopped talking to me. you don't do those little things that you do anymore. and there was little to no interaction between us in this month. the only times when u talked to me was just about some formal stuffs , like studies and all. since when did it become like this? how did a friendship in which i thought to be resolute and transcendent, became something so vague and awkward? in other words, pointless. if anyone knows me well enuf, i'm never an initiator of action, am always the effector( physio going on here LOL). maybe thats where the problem lies. aites, i'll be the initiator, at least for once. but, it didn't turn out the way i expected it to be. your responses were the kinds that gives the feeling of non- interest and awkwardness. at times, i do not know what else i should say. there was nothing, only dead silence. if only i knew why, and if only i had the courage to talk to you about it, but the fact is, i don't.
kai lin told me, 人生有很多过路客。。i must say, i couldn't agree more with this. its absolutely true, 100 % valid if u ask me. however, deep down inside, no matter how much i try to make myself think of u as a 过路客 in my life, i couldn't do it. that is because, u were there for me during one of my most vulnerable state of my university life. you were there to console me and act as my listening ear. you were my counsellor , but most importantly, you're my best friend i got to know in manipal, and i'll always be grateful for what you did for me in the past, no matter what that becomes of us . i can't really say what i mean to you, but i can tell, u mean a great deal to me. and losing this friendship seumpama menghiris hati sendiri. i'm sorry for not returning the same smiles u shown me. i 'm sorry for being so rude and mean to you at times. i'm sorry for ignoring u all the time, i'm sorry for pretending not to see you even though i did, very clearly. i'm sorry for being such a jerk for the past few months. from the very bottom of my heart, i sincerely apologize. but, this is something that i think that i'll never have the courage to tell u in person. hopeless~ sigh