i'm lying to myself...

i told myself that i can live with all the changes that come, beat down all the challenges that stand in my way. nothing matters more than my studies. yeh, these are what i used to tell myself. they have never failed me, not at least, till now. i want things to be like they were in the beginning , i've always hoped for it , even though i always denied that i can't live with it. my mind tells me something, but my heart says otherwise. they never click, and i dunno what i can do. despite the fact how strong and bold i act to be, deep down inside, i'm just a weak, emotional ,helpless kid , waiting for a miracle to happen, when my fairy tale will somehow materialise, and return the joy i once had, but lost.