so this is how its gonna be?

Generally, people are very subtle and shallow. they always leave the old ones behind and go for the new ones. well, ever since the postings last semester, it was already pretty obvious what was going on. you see new people forming groups together, while old ones dispersing. its like a chemical reaction, bonds being broken, weakened and formed simultaneously. fine, i accept that fact. thought it couldn't get any more worse than that, and it proved me wrong. however, it proved to me how subtle some people really are. even those who were once very close to you whom you thought will never leave you ended up repeating history and ended up having new circle of companionship. Of course we all have the right and desire to make new friends, but pls la... dun ambil yang jernih buang yang keruh.. sometimes i think i've been trying too hard on people not worthy of my time. all along , it has always been me to have to initiate everything. dinner, movies , dates.. literally.. sometimes i wonder what will happen if i dun care at all.. so many friendships, i feel are only unidirectional. there seem to be no reciprocation from the other party. and this really made me feel like a fool desperate for attention. duno lar.. so many sad case nowadays. sini sana ajak semua pun ada plans with the new found group.. zzzzzz.. uhhhh that's y i hate melaka postings so much, and my current g2 group. yes there are nice people in my group apart form the jerks but there was nobody that i can truly relate to. and that's well.. kinda sad really.. miis my manipal postings group, at least back then i have yan shao , qj, tsing yee, sing ping and a few others. T.T
i dun even see some people that i used to be close with ever since the start of this semester... sure i've found some new friends with the same wavelength that i can mingle with, but that doesn't mean i'm willing to let the ones that are already close to me leave. sure i'll still try to find time to spend with them, however some of them don't seem to share the same interest as me. at times i feel like an idiot.. y so dedicated to people who made you optional in their lives? this is one thing about myself that i hate and unable to change. well, at least there are still people around like miss tan , huang jie and a few others who still cares. at least these few people still gives me the strength and faith to believe that not all people are 喜新厌旧.. but again, if people want to be in your life, they will make an effort to stay in it. not like me constantly making an effort to keep them in it. i've tried too hard in the past and present, and i really thought of giving up.. duno how long more i can hold on like this. but i guess in the end, i had nothing to lose. coz in the worst case scenario, i would have lost someone who didn't appreciate me, but they would have lost someone who appreciated them alot. not my loss in the end. i guess , that's life la