Failure

Nobody likes failure. Failure is accompanied by so many negative things varying from loss of self esteem to discrimination by other.Acceptance of failure varies from person to person, some take it easy and learn from it while some take it extremely hard and not being able to pull through with it. And i'm the latter. The outcome wasn't what i expected to get at all. For a person who never tasted failure before, the news was an extremely devastating blow to my emotions at that very moment. Disruption to my mood wasn't exactly subtle.. i know people around me knows something was wrong.. but at that time, i couldn't care less. at this time, what i really need is some time alone to get through all this shit. but i know i have no one to blame except my self.. if you don't water the tree, don't expect to get the fruits. true story. even if it does not really affect what happens next, the fact that i have achieved this failure will be a scar on my self esteem for quite a period of time.

是时候反醒反醒一下了...

this strucked me rather unexpectedly.. i'm beginning to doubt my own credibility and personality.. i've always thought that i'm alright the way i am, then suddenly everything doesn't feel right.. i feel that i'm rather vague and fake actually.. or maybe my definition of fake ain't what like what most others perceive to be, i wish i was a little more emphatic and less self centered. i wonder why can't i be nice to people that i don't like.. there was a post on facebook that says: being nice to people you don't like is not being fake, it's called growing up. i can get the point of the avoiding conflict thingy, but wouldn't avoiding the person u don't like means the same? i mean, no contact, hence no conflict rite? Haih, in the end what lies at the back of my mind is: i wish i was less juvenile than this.. Perhaps, i should start learning to accept how to self compromise and tolerate other peoples's flaws, rather than making them sound so severe and unacceptable.. no i wasn't like that before, guess manipal changed me =S So basically i hope that i can be nice to people who i don't like.. some of you might call it as being fake, even i think so, but i guess its time to stop being such a kiddo and grow up..so now the question is, how to start?

oh hello thr~

its been a solid 2 months since i last touched this personal blog of mine. i guess the block 3, 4 and uni exam rly did take up alot of my time, or it may be just that i don't have any emo stuffs to share as of lately. which is a good thing :D haha emo period pass edi la, still left 3 more practical papers to go and its home for me XD hmm still worry about the glove issue :( imma gonna screw up during the osce so badly if i dun practice wearing it. lame i know, but thats d way it is >.< who knew one pair of gloves could cause so much worries?
hmmm..another thing.. these few days i began having one of those random thoughts running about in my head. spontaneous indeed. well, its about LOVE. i must say that among my current peers, i am in the minority group. yes, one without gf. frankly, i never rly gave it a thought in the past. well, one of those rare occasions yes, but it certainly doesn't last long enough to occupy part of my brain's gyri permanently. but then there was a time, when a new couple emerged in my class, i started to feel the pressure. peer pressure. that time, i must admit that i was quite "emo" about it. its like, when you were young in your teenage days, when everyone has a handphone , and you yourself constantly bugs your parents so that u can be like the rest. 别人有的，我也要有.. sadly that was the feeling i was experiencing. stress ar stress ar.. 天啊，为什么我会有这样的想法？is it a sign that i'm finally growing up? finally have the heart to find a girlfriend? as time passes, i realized that this is not the case. the feeling then was the childish thought of i must have what other people are also having. then it crossed my mind.. of what mum used to tell me. 如果你没有那种成熟感，就不要学别人谈恋爱，否则将来你痛苦，对方也痛苦。。actually, what mum said is very true. 爱情不是一种潮流， 它是一种两人之间的承诺.. it is certainly not something to be taken lightly and treated as a game. i understand that now. i will not dread over my peers having their significant other at my current age, because it's not that i can't find her, it's just that i chose to wait till the time is right when i have the proper level of maturity to be ready for a serious relationship. till then, i will be single, and live life to the fullest and cherish the privileges of being single , and available. ahaha!until then, i hope that "she" will wait for me :) so guys, don't ever dread over this sort fo matter, he/she will appear before you when the time is right, and also never jump into a relationship if u don't feel ready for one, or else you're in for alot of trouble . ciaoz ppl. tk care

=_______=

today i'm not doing anything...and apparent 2mr is gonna turn out that way too.. haih..bo bian la..

i'm ok again :D

up and running and good to go~ blocks got postponed for another 2 days, hell yeah! more time to study~ nah, more like procrastinate. ah well, the most important things is, no more depression. credits to mr. tan wei lun for brainwashing me. gamsia gamsia~~ block 3, 我来也~~

some ..well, thoughts~

Lately i've been having some really sudden mood swings.. maybe it's due to pre exam stress or it could be something else. this random thought just crossed my mind today.. i'm surprised how come i never gave it any considerations in the past, and y i have to do it now.. of all times, with exams and all, now? bad timing, really really bad.
i think that i am too simple minded. i can be so naive, and be so trustworthy towards someone that i just "recently" met. i guess i have no right to complain about ppl calling me a little kid, because i think exactly like one. its like, u give me a candy, and i'll think of u as the best person in the world.. get what i mean? i also realized that i tend to give more than what i receive most of the time.. i don't know whether its the way it should work but, i was taught to never expect anything in return for a deed or favor done . but recently i started wondering, for all the things i do for others, even if i don't mind not receiving much compared to what i gave or any at all, do the ppl rly appreciate what you do for them? many people only come to you if they need something for you, its human nature. and this triggered an even deeper question in me that keeps on whispering in my ears into my auditory center.. that is " how many of the many people in your life that you have will stand by you when you really needed a helping hand ? when you're really in need? when you're in trouble? " i couldn't give myself a definite answer. i stumbled then.. a moment there, i was silent and blank.
simply because things happening around me just isn't convincing at all. i don't want to mention any of these sensitive issues over here but yea, simply just ...not convincing at all, not even close.. so many things happened in just one short week.. and it takes just that few things to alter my perceptions towards my social life, which for once in my uni life, i thought of to be the best of both worlds. Reality is a bitch, and she bites hard. its her way of telling me to grow up and life isn't like what you read in fairytales, not all good beginnings lead to happy endings. i still have much much more to learn tho.. at the tender age of 20, i don't think i'm even close to understanding the mysterious workings of life. still have so much to learn.. being optimistic though. even when it seems more like trying to avoid the ugly truth then being the former.. oh and i seriously think i need to stop being so picky, or i'll never find a gf~ LOL

its not about who's right or who's wrong

because the problem can never be solved as long as there is an argument over who's fault it is. the misunderstanding will exacerbate and lead to even more vigorous conflict. it would be easier if we could just admit that we both made a mistake and let it settle once and for all. but then, i don't care anymore. or maybe, i never did..